The Engagement

It starts small- with a ring and a promise. A hint from a friend or two. A nice thought out proposal. Or a proposal that you (as the willful one in this relationship) seriously botched. Two word- "Will you...." A kiss and a smile. And then the chaos starts.

You make big plans, or you make small plans. Inevitably when other people get involved it snowballs. You ask your friends to be there during the journey- sometimes they are and sometimes they aren't. You talk about where you are going to live and what your family is going to look like? Can you be submissive and gentle? Who does the housework no one wants to do?. How is the past going to effect your relationship? Can you forgive? Not only for the big stuff- but the little stuff as well- the times you forget to do your part or you are having a grumpy day. How does this relationship effect the other relationships you have? With your parents? Your friends? Your church? Your enemies? You fight about stupid things, and you hold your ground about the important things. You try to find the solutions. The best way for you two to fit together in the world before you make the big commitment.

This is what the United Methodist church calls commissioning. Commissioning is our engagement to God and the church. We know that we want this special relationship with him. A relationship that sets us apart from others. We have not yet made the "big" commitment of being fully ordained, but we are willing to explore what that looks like in our relationship. By the time, we have come to this point, we should have pretty well decided that this is what we are going to do with the rest of our lives, but it still hits us like a ton of bricks. We keep talking about it in our residency groups and with our friends and family. (can you say pre-martial counseling?) We look at the things that we may have glossed over before. We learn how to do this relationship in the best way for us and our churches. If it doesn't work about between us, we can still call it off. It will still be incredibly painful and heartbreaking, but what if we had waited? Our churches and leaders are making sure that this is in fact the question God is asking you and that you can live up to your vows of commitment. The question is "can I do this? Is that what God want from me?"

God loves us no matter what. He is constantly "popping" different questions and wooing us into a deeper relationship with God. We all have different times when we are giddy in love with God and times when we have to ask hard questions. Maybe other people are married or enagaged to God in different ways. But, as I keep trying to describe the special relationship that God has called me into and the committment I have made to God- this image works for me. An image of joy and gladness, communication and struggles, the image of wooing and acceptance.

At the end point of ordination, there is a huge celebration and lots of well-wishers. As hard as this process may be, at the end you are married. You are in the place you are supposed to be and united to the one who loves and adores you and it doesn't get any better than that.

Ps. I got the idea for this blog from the post "Dearly Beloved" by Katie Yahns on the Fidelia's Sister's e-zine. Google YoungClergy Women Project.